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From the Desk of the Editor


welp. RIP.

this year sucks

hello to all my adoring fans, i will be mostly away for the next 4 days as i absorb myself into the wonderful meditative mastery that is championship golf.

if you have a spare +/- 48 hours you should definitely watch it and pretend nothing else exists/matters, and then deal with the cold, brutal reality of the world on monday.

hi, you should listen to ajj because they rock.

also, sean from the band has been live streaming musical peformances every day (now 3x a week) since quarantine started. endless fucking folk punk energy, hell yes.

this ad was brought to you by the countless times i listned to songs about fucking the devil or shooting the sun while people i disliked talked about quarterly performance reports and spouted out corporate vagaries to sell more soap. thank you, ajj.

blaseball has been taking up a lot of my free time, despite how simple and low-maintenance it appears at first glance. i suppose it's a good thing to have found something that keeps me engaged and interested for the time being, but it's eaten up my reading and writing time which is annoying, not because i can't control it, but precisely because i can control it, but i'm just weak and it's easier to do nothing than to do something.

neocities user Homicide says they were able to get in touch with Peegirl's father and confirmed that Peegirl is in the hospital. i hope she can get the help she needs and that everything goes well for her.

in other news: i'm converting all of the episodes of King of the Hill to a file-type that is compatible with my TV. this causes great distress to my potato laptop, so very little of value will be achieved by me today.

i never even talked to her before but i'm supremely worried about peegirl, fuck.

made some new changes to the site, most of which are quality of life for long-term maintenance, but some fun stuff has been thrown in. as well as overall formatting changes, although the site still looks, ya know, bad.

new article up that compresses all the memorable runs i've done thus far in my life into one ugly chicken patty of a post.

will try to use the desk (this thing you're reading) more often going forward. i had a little micro blog type thing on the index but i didn't like it. i also tried using twitter recently and, wow, twitter fucking sucks. i always forget that it sucks and then get really hopeful and optimistic about it and make an account and after a week or two i'm reminded why i'm not on it.

AUGUST 19TH, 2020
oh hey what's up

MAY 25TH, 2020
i started writing an article and then spent five minutes trying to figure out the exact right word i wanted to use for a given sentence, and then when i found it, i lost the mental grasp of what the actual article was going to be completely, and can't remember it now.

i'm fucking stupid.

edit: I just cannot fucking write anything today that's worthwhile.

MAY 15TH, 2020
"lofi hip hop beats to study to" is this generation's muzak. in 20 years kids are going to physically feel ill when they hear the generic music and wonder what we saw of value within it.

APRIL 27TH, 2020
so who wants to keep writing things for free for a zine?

APRIL 12TH, 2020
wanted: someone who thinks like me, only better. and writes like i do, only way better.

also looking for: motivation during pandemics, new bread recipes, what kind of coffee is actually worth buying, book recommendations.

APRIL 6TH, 2020
sitting down at your computer with intent to write something

and you can't even fart anything out.

MARCH 26TH, 2020
i've got nothing but time on my hands but it feels so hard and unnecessary to write anything in my cynical "ah man, the world is slowly dying from climate change" tone when the humans of the planet are actually dying from a pandemic.

stay safe, everyone. stay home. MARCH 12TH, 2020
i've sold a few articles and may or may not (still up in the air) have a fiction piece published in a mag, pretty rad stuff. i should try at this whole writing thing more.

prob won't, but ya know.

MARCH 10TH, 2020
feeling good, running again, working a menial job that is low stress and keeps me physically fit and able to cover expenses, picking up good habits again.

coronavirus shits all over the area i live

god dammit MARCH 8TH, 2020
coworker: you hear about someone from NEARBY TOWN NAME got coronavirus?
me: yeah, but they were a healthcare worker so--
coworker: i heard it's a korean death cult that spread it on purpose. trying to wipe us all out.
me: [no reaction]
coworker: also i heard it's not even real and just trying to bad mouth trump
me: mmm...
coworker: oh well, i'm ready to die.

this message brought to you by the inevitable ugly growth in my brain that conversations like this are birthing.


motivational speaker FEBRUARY 24TH, 2020
purposely restricting oneself to only going on the internet and/or using the majority of ones electronic devices (tv, phone, computer)

yes, sucks. that's the word i was looking for.

will adjust to promote productivity while still using some tech. phone has actually been the easiest thing to not use; yay for small victories.

edit: i finally figured out how to manually create an RSS feed. so if you're viewing this website from the year 2001 don't worry, you'll now be able to see all updates on your favorite feed reader.

lo, and behold:
feeling old i
lost my hold and
fell below and
felt the blow
from a bold fellow
both blowsy and dull.

(untitled poem written by Hannah M. from 1998)

Potatoes are good.
I like to eat peaches.
I like to eat food.

amen, sister.


midnight bread
it's like normal bread
but sexier
(this is only dough, bread will be baked in 12 hours)

10-15 years from now
trailer plays
shows the finale to a car race
one of the cars flips over and rolls
catches fire
cut to black: "From the Visionary Director of..."
cut to driver rolling on racetrack, escaping the wreck
driver stands up, takes off helmet
it's Christian Bale
cut to black: "The Dark Knight Trilogy"
cut to driver, walking down track
announcer at race: "And somehow it looks like Bruce Wayne survived the crash, folks!"
cut back to: "The Dark Knight Trilogy" but 'Trilogy' fades away, and 'Returns' fades in.

okay thanks for coming to my tedxnewjersey talk

JANUARY 27TH, 2020
i've found a decent small lot coffee now being sold at a local grocery store. the wife actually likes it and it's relatively cheap (compared to say, the $22/12oz bag "fancy shit" we've tried in the past. only problem is that it's a limited item and will be out of stock this time next week.

life is fleeting, folks. enjoy the coffee while you can.

p.s. i swear i'm going to finish monkey wrench gang this week, mark.

JANUARY 24TH, 2020
"take a picture, it'll last longer" is now just an unfortunate reality for the glaciers of our world.

Hey so I got rid of my chromeOS on my chromebook and am using Ubuntu now. Sound doesn't work, everything's a little wonky, and I'm trying out all sorts of new stuff, but it's fun. Good way to change things up to start the year and be less of a piece of shit online all day.

...the only downside is I don't know how I'll put together my podcast for tomorrow yet, but I'll figure something out. Maybe.

In 2018 I ran a total of 822 miles.

In 2019 I ran a total of 819 miles. Fuck.

I had big goals this year, namely breaking the 1,000 mile mark at minimum, ideally getting up to 1,500 miles for the year. I'll run once or twice in the next few days to "beat" the 2018 total, but overall it was a disappointing year for my running. I failed to finish my big 42+ mile race in October, and I didn't really run any other races the rest of the year. I skipped the post-Thanksgiving trail run that I did last year, and really haven't been running at all since October. If I ran the same amount of miles this Oct through December as I did last year, I'd be over 1,000 miles in 2019.

Oh well. There's always next year.

On that topic, I'll probably post something in a few days with my resolutions and all that jazz. I'm a big believer in resolutions; when you really sit and reflect and create good, challenging goals for yourself I think they are meaningful and useful. I've never been able to complete all my resolutions in a given year, but I have been able to radically change parts of my life and I'm better for it.

On a more fun note, I've read 43 books so far in 2019 and plan to get to 45 by banging out my current book and then blazing through the last one for the year. Can I get to the fabled 52 books next year? We'll see, we'll see. Happy whatever days and merry new year, 2020 will be fun.

me in 2000: man i never have enough time to catch up with everything on newgrounds; i’m so glad i found one website with so much stuff on it!

me in 2020: i literally have a negative physical reaction when i go to reddit but my dopamine reward pathways are so fucking disordered that i don’t know what else to do

at some point in december 2009 i was probably digging my car out of the rutgers livingston parking lot so that i could drive home to work 1-3 gigs at a party rental place i worked for. bounce houses, cotton candy, dunk tanks, chocolate fountains, all that shit. i hated it but it paid pretty well. i liked the other people i worked jobs with; we spent a lot of time on the road. we were hired for colleges and high schools and companies all around the tri-state area, so sometimes it’d be like a 4 or 5 hour commute to wherever the gig was that day. eating gross food at gas stations, late night coffee runs, becoming slightly delirious from being awake for 20 hours and driving on the highway in the pitch-black. it was fun in a horrible kind of way. depression does that to ya; makes you enjoy stuff that anyone else would find fucking awful simply because your own brain is so horrible to itself all the time, any break in that feels great.

a lot changed in the ten years from then to now, and i'm grateful that things never got too dark on me that i gave up.

anyone want to guest star on an ultra minimal and low-audience podcast? you have free reign to talk about basically anything at all for 2-4 minutes. can't pay unfortunately, but we will become entwined as collaborators for all time, which is pretty rad too.

if you're interested shoot me an email at

the best part about having basically no responsibilities and unlimited free time to "explore your potential as a writer/creative" is that you get to plan out your day focused on reading and writing for 10 hours and then you get to play Outer Worlds and watch youtube videos all day instead because you're a useless, talentless, lazy piece of crap.

i might get rid of the desk, cuz it's stupid and so am i.

a new rambling post about music and being old/getting old/dying old whatever. a new podcast episode equally as puzzling as the first one. another vague bloggy update thing.

i'm settling into some regular routines of content creation finally. would like to increase my output to include some weekly things but for the next few weeks i'm okay with the amount of work i'm putting out across the various webterzones i post on.

OCTOBER 31ST, 2019

OCTOBER 30TH, 2019
i have pink eye, somehow. i don't even eat ass.

OCTOBER 28TH, 2019
have you ever been stuck in a nap trap? you know, when you're cold or you're tired or you're bored or you just don't have it in you to exist for like an hour or you ate too much cereal and your body is trying to shut itself down so it can process all that garbage, or you just ran 20+ miles a few hours ago or you're really good at lucid dreaming and just feel like going for a flyover in your dreamscape, or you don't feel like brushing your teeth but you know you should or you are waiting for your new masterpiece youtube video to upload, or you just want a nap, so you go to your bed and get under the covers and get your nap going, even set an alarm for like an hour from now, but then over the next three or four hours you keep zoning in & out of consciousness and keep turning off the alarm and changing the time for it to go off to further out and your normal cognitive capabilities are only operating at like 10% and there's this tiny, tiny voice in the back of your head saying "wake up, you idiot" but the other 90% of your brain has been overrun by lizardness and that 90% is like "nah lol nap time" and then finally you manage to get out of bed and you feel groggy for like six hours and you aren't sure if stuff you did this morning was actually this morning or it was yesterday and your entire sense of time is thrown off but at least you're alive and you should go drink some water and outline some writing stuff because your story isn't done yet, ol' chap and no one wants to hear your garbage yet but maybe one day they will so start jotting down ideas, have you ever had that happen?

me neither.

OCTOBER 27TH, 2019
killed the site.
now i've brought it back.
here to stay, bois.

bought a bike today. haven't had a bike since i was 15. got really stoked test riding it at the shop and basically just said "fuck it, let's go." ideally i'll allow it to further my hip(ster)pie status and just bike everywhere feasible now instead of driving. and maybe instead of running 50 miles a week, i'll run 30 and bike 30 or something like that.

this entry feels way more bloggy than i'd like it to.

i think it's pretty funny that the Global Climate Strike is today, and the Area 51 "raid" is also today. i'm not a big conspiracy theory dude but it wouldn't shock me if the A51 thing was intentionally created to distract from the Climate Strike.

apparently the deleted scenes from Event Horizon were improperly stored in a Transylvanian salt mine (not joking) and we won't get the full, 120 minute director's cut of the film that at one time existed. That's uhh...that's okay with me. Growing up with an aunt and uncle who both loved horror films, I had lots of hand-me-down VHS tapes of all things horror. I can say without exception it was my favorite movie genre, and nothing really "got" me. I knew it was all fake. I liked Freddy Krueger.

Event Horizon done right fucked all that mess up. The film was released in '97, so I probably saw it in '98 or '99 which would put me at no older than 12 when I saw it. I don't remember much of the movie other than the guy from Jurassic Park becomes a fucking demon and people die. For whatever reason, when I watched the movie the concept of mortality first clicked into my brain, and brought about an intense existential dread in me that has never left (yay!) I legit just like sat there crying and hyperventilating in front of the TV in my childhood home living room. I stopped watching horror movies for a long time after that. Still haven't seen Event Horizon again to this day. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Gonna die either way, ya know?

in a move that scientists are calling "pretty stupid," i am redownloading fallout: new vegas and fallout 4 as i write this, so that i can do a science/melee playthrough and be a cyber ninja and oh god my life has no meaning what is this

running in shorts gives your legs a farmers tan. here's the difference of my exposed leg and my covered leg as derived from a picture i took of my leg and created an average color value of my tan/no tan leg portions.

aka from my ankle to my knee cap i'm looking tan af

the most imaginative part of a dnd campaign in 2019 is the belief that you and three or four friends will all meet in person on an agreed upon date and not just flake out on short notice with a weak excuse or retroactively flake out by ignoring everyone's calls/texts for a few hours during the agreed meeting time, and then finally say something vague like "oh man my phone died and i was stuck overnight in philly" to offer reasoning for the shittiness.

my tiefling warlock is cool, though.

just got this spyshot a friend took as i ran by him this morning. i love how much of a goober i look like in this. this is my favorite thing for today.

running to the point of total physical exhaustion and then going home and watching attitude-era WWE(F) clips on youtube and crying from the nostalgia rush and dehyrdration is a big mood.

It's 6:28am do YOU know where your monstera deliciosa is??!

AUGUST 31ST, 2019
The 7 Types of Friends You Have:

1. Friends you talk to regularly and see often.
2. Friends you talk to regularly and see somewhat often.
3. Friends you talk to somewhat often and see somewhat often.
4. Friends you talk to somewhat often and only see once in a while.
5. Friends you talk to once in a while and only see once in a while.
6. Friends you text with week-long gaps between messages that mostly consist of "ugh, I know! We DEF need to hang out soon!" but then neither of you take any concrete steps towards arranging a date/time to hang out.
7. Not Friends.

AUGUST 28TH, 2019
When the song New York by St. Vincent came out a few years ago, I really liked it. I obsessed over it. I had it on loop for days. Something about it just seemed so genuine, so meaningful. There was a honesty about it. I Googled something to the effect "What does the song New York by St. Vincent mean" because I am an old person who searches full questions in Google.

Some results said it was about her break up with Cara Delevingne. I also obtained the knowledge that St. Vincent was now dating Kristen Stewart. For whatever reason, when my brain read "Kristen Stewart" it replaced it with "Kristen Wiig" and replaced Kristen Wiig with Cara Delevingne. So I assumed St. Vincent and Kristen Wiig had this amazing love story. My brain put together this elaborate timeline of them meeting; surely it happened when St. Vincent was the musical guest on SNL from a few years ago. They might've chatted between sketches or at the after party. Exchanged numbers, or emails, or handles. Things progressed, things led to more things. A musical powerhouse and SNL star comedian formed to create an unlikely but inspiring indie power couple. Wandering around NYC. I was hooked on this new narrative that my brain just fabricated from nothingness; from some weird auto-correct it did when reading something haphazardly.

I re-read the info, realized my mistake, and found out loads of info about the actual relationship of Kristen Stewart and St. Vincent. It doesn't matter, and neither do I.

AUGUST 27TH, 2019
this desk is messy dude, the fuck